by Danielle Tantone | 10:41 pm | Breast Cancer, Faith, Family & Relationships, People Stories
Saturday, October 14, 2023
I try to keep my voice light and untroubled as I quickly tour the movers through the home Mike and I bought only a year and a half ago, pointing out which furniture will go to my new place and which will stay here. Mike had told me to just take everything but the mattress – and maybe the futon so he could still watch TV in the loft. But I figured 2500 square feet of empty house would be depressing for anyone, and our daughter Grace would be here with him half the time, too.
My eyes angle down as I descend the carpeted stairs in the too-short Lululemon skirt I recently treated myself to from the sale rack while shopping with my daughter Alex. I discreetly tug the hem as I walk, trying to keep my curvy thighs under wraps.
“Sorry. We’re getting divorced and it’s just hard,” I say, not really sure what I’m apologizing for. “I had a pretty rough night. I almost canceled you guys, I was so overwhelmed and unsure…” my voice breaks as I look up and into the warm hazel eyes of the main mover guy.
He leans in and says softly, “ I understand. I just went through it myself a year and a half ago. It’s hard, but it’s for the best. Or at least in my case, it was,” he shrugs. His voice is low and calm. He looks right into my bloodshot eyes, and I feel seen. He has wavy salt and pepper hair and his face is lined from years of smiling. Around my age, I guess.
“I think it will be for the best in my case, too. I’m the one who asked for the divorce. But it’s still hard. Still complicated. Still sad,” I say.
“Yeah, divorce is basically an agreement that you’re giving up on your marriage, on yourselves really. You’re admitting defeat.”
“Yes, admitting you failed at marriage… again,” I say, shaking my head. “This is my third time. I never saw myself as someone who would be married three times, let alone divorced three times.”
Yesterday was the 22nd anniversary of my wedding. October 13, 2001. Not my wedding day with Mike. The first one. The starter marriage that lasted less than a year. It’s crazy to think that if Ian and I had stayed married, we’d be celebrating 22 years together. I would be someone who had stayed married for 22 years. Instead of who I am.
(more…)
by Danielle Tantone | 11:50 am | Breast Cancer, People Stories
When Sommer and Steve Gunia left Arizona on January 16 and traveled across the world to Tokyo to board the fated Diamond Princess cruise on January 20, they had never even heard of the Novel Coronavirus that was already sweeping across China.
Sommer is a doctor (and particularly close to my own heart since she’s my breast cancer surgeon – the very one who cared for me during my recent diagnosis and performed my bilateral mastectomy). Her husband Steve is a pre-operative nurse at the (normally) busy outpatient surgery center where I had my surgeries.
But despite their medical background, in late January, they were just a couple embarking on a long-awaited vacation, along with Sommer’s parents.
Sommer said it was a bucket list item for the couple to enjoy an Asian cruise, particularly during the lunar New Year, which fell on January 25 this year and usually involves weeks of festivities across Asia. (Though this year’s festivities were almost nonexistent due to the virus, and the whole experience was significantly hampered by the language barrier.)
Sommer and Steve were married on a Princess cruise 18 years ago and had cruised many times since then, without a single issue.
It wasn’t until Feb. 3, the night before they were set to disembark, their luggage already packed and set outside their cabin door to be picked up by crew members overnight, that they realized they weren’t getting off the cruise ship anytime soon.
They learned that a Wuhan man who had boarded the ship in Tokyo, then disembarked in Hong Kong because he wasn’t feeling well, had been diagnosed with the new virus.
We all know what happened next. The virus swept through the ship, despite efforts to contain it, infecting more than 700 of the 3700 plus passengers aboard. And today the Diamond Princess Cruise ship is listed as its own country on the Johns Hopkins case map that keeps a tally of Covid-19 cases worldwide.
“We made history on that ship,” Sommer said ironically.
“A ship is like a petri dish,” Steve added.
With more than 600,000 cases in the U.S. and more than 2 million worldwide, the Gunias’ cruise-ship experience is no longer breaking news. They’ve been home for more than a month and a the CDC has published a detailed scientific paper on the ship’s outbreak.
But the complicated human experience of an outbreak on a cruise ship is in some ways even more interesting than the scientific study of just how that outbreak went down.
Though many of us feel like we are on house arrest these days, the passengers aboard that ship endured a much tighter quarantine, devoid of almost all human freedoms. Cruise ship cabins, even the most luxurious suites, are purposely small and simple, designed to keep passengers out enjoying the ship’s amenities, rather than hanging out in their rooms.
I finally sat down with Sommer and Steve at their Scottsdale home – sitting outside, at least six feet away, social distancing style – a few weeks ago, to hear their story and try to share it in some sort of meaningful way.
Back here at home sipping wine in their backyard, the desert blooms visible over their low fence, birds chirping, their dogs cuddling up with them on the plush outdoor couches, they told me they were grateful to be healthy and free, but also disturbed and forever changed by their harrowing 27-day experience that reads like a movie script. From being locked in their cabin – Dolphin 406 – on the ship, to being thrown onto a windowless cargo plane, not even knowing their destination until after landing, to what felt like a concentration camp experience back on U.S. soil, they felt dehumanized, stripped of their rights.
Their feelings of helplessness, anxiety and raw fear were only exacerbated by the lack of communication. They felt very much like prisoners, with other people making almost every decision for them.
At one point, several days into their second quarantine, now locked in an Airforce base in Texas, Sommer stood at a chain-linked fence that contained the prisoners (i.e. cruise ship passengers) in their temporary military living quarters, frustrated and at the end of her patience, wanting answers. With tears streaming down her face, she rattled the gates and cried out to the guards,
“We are people! We are human beings! You need to listen to me,” she pleaded.
Dr. Gunia is a wonderful doctor – the perfect blend of educated, confident and compassionate. She takes the time to really communicate with her patients in an empathetic, authentic and truly caring way.
She had performed my bilateral mastectomy only months before, and I was still under her care when I learned of her confinement on Feb. 14. Taking a quick break in the middle of my own grueling 12-hour shift as a nursing assistant in the hospital, I read an emailed copy of a news story about the couple’s plight.
I reached out to her about the possibility of writing a more in-depth story about their unbelievable experience, but at the time her company was concerned about publicizing the story, not wanting Dr. Gunia to be known as the “Coronavirus doctor.”
Though she didn’t even have the virus herself, the Novel Coronavirus was a scary and distant contagion that was “out there” at the time. Now the disease has spread across the world and our nation, forever changing us in so many ways. It has become both more insidious and less taboo. Covid-19 has become a household name.
And the Gunias’ experience was like an eerie foreshadowing of what was to come for the world, the cruise ship like a microcosm of a small city.
By the time they finally were cleared from their quarantine and returned home, the entire world was changing quickly, but when the crew first began offering masks upon disembarkment at the various Asian ports of call, the couple didn’t see the virus as a serious threat. Exiting the ship in Hong Kong, they refused the masks that were offered. They had heard there were just a few cases in Hong Kong at the time.
“We weren’t going to get all excited about it,” Sommer said. “This stuff happens all the time. Lots of Asians wear masks all the time,” Sommer said.
So being avid Disney fans, they visited Disneyland Hong Kong.
“We were there for three hours and they shut it down three hours after we left,” Steve said.
And their decadent Club Class elite passenger experience quickly went from luxury dining and leisurely card games with Sommer’s parents to being locked inside Dolphin 406, their cabin suite turned prison cell, feeling scared and hungry, hoarding hard-boiled eggs.
The ship was brought back into Japanese waters, gambling shut down since they were no longer out at sea, but at first no one told the passengers why this was happening. Sommer thought perhaps it was a mechanical issue.
But then the captain finally announced – late in the evening of Feb. 3 – that a passenger had been diagnosed with Covid-19 and that medical crew would be coming around to every room, starting at the top of the ship and working their way down – to interview and examine passengers.
Sommer said she didn’t know whether to stay in her clothes or change into pajamas. The crew didn’t get to their room until after they returned from breakfast late the next morning. Yes, they were still allowed to go to breakfast in the restaurant. In fact, they even had lunch and dinner outside of their room that day, the last day they were able to roam the ship freely – the day they should have disembarked in Okinawa and headed home.
By mid-day they texted their travel agent and rebooked their afternoon flight for a midnight one, still thinking they would be able to disembark that day. Then they texted her again that evening to rebook for the next day, still not being told that they would serve a ship-based quarantine.
“You are in such limbo and you don’t know what to do,” Sommer said. Sentiments that we all can relate to now.
“We as Americans actually have really good immune systems. We don’t wear masks all the time, we get our vaccines. We are in healthcare, but my parents are in the higher risk category,” Sommer said.
But thankfully, none of the family ever became sick with Covid-19.
The next day – February 5 – the captain announced that 10 people so far had tested positive and everyone would be quarantined for 14 days.
They had to cancel yet another flight. Steve had to let his boss know he wouldn’t be there for his scheduled shifts. And Sommer had to call her office so that her staff could reschedule cancer surgeries – 18 patients were scheduled for breast cancer surgery that following week. Her partners performed the surgeries that could not be postponed.
They begged to be able to do their quarantine on U.S. soil instead of aboard a ship off the coast of Japan. That way, at least if they did get sick, they would be with doctors who spoke English. With no interpreter aboard the ship, the language barrier really did add to the mounting anxiety.
Soon they ran out of basic supplies – from toothpaste and toiletries to important medications for blood pressure, anxiety and depression – which can’t be stopped suddenly without serious consequences.
Once the quarantine started, Dolphin 406 became their prison cell. Crew members monitored the halls.
On Day 3 they finally let passengers take a daily walk around the deck, about 40 people at a time, at least six feet apart, wearing masks, and sanitizing hands at frequent intervals.
The crew sent Sudoku puzzles and decks of cards to keep them busy, and though they had internet access, it wasn’t strong enough for streaming. The TV in their room played the world news in the background most of the time. That’s how the couple received most of the information they did receive. But most of the U.S. news at the time was still focused on Trump’s impeachment proceedings and election caucuses.
Sommer started talking to reporters, hoping to get word out to US authorities about their situation.
Though there was the luxury of not having to do her hair and makeup, and a legitimate excuse not to work, they both found it hard to enjoy their quarantine time in any way.
“There are a lot of things we would have liked to have done during our quarantine time, but we just weren’t there emotionally,” Sommer said. “All you are looking forward to is that knock on the door to see what food they have for you this time.”
Food was all they had to look forward to and they had no motivation to exercise. They said that being quarantined at home would be a luxury compared to being stuck in a small room on a ship at sea.
Steve admitted he gained 20 pounds during the month-long quarantine and couldn’t even tell the story of what they endured without crying when they first got home. He said the worst part is that they felt utterly alone, they weren’t experiencing this with the rest of the world like we are today.
“They are making all the decisions for you,” Sommer said. ‘You have no control of your life at all.”
Though passengers were isolated in negative pressure rooms, providing what should have been an effective quarantine, crew members who were living in cramped quarters and had no notion of proper infection control were still roaming the ship freely, delivering food and supplies to the sequestered passengers. So, despite social distancing and quarantine efforts, the numbers kept increasing instead of decreasing.
They said that a Japanese infectious disease doctor – experienced with outbreaks, including Ebola – boarded the ship to help with this one and told them he’d never been so scared in his life.
Finally, on Day 12, they we told that they could disembark and were asked to RSVP with their names, ages and other information if they wanted to do so. They put their bags outside their room once more. They waited in line for hours, then boarded buses. And they waited. Hours and hours on a bus. Breathing the same air as infected passengers.
Eventually the buses took them to a tarmac where they boarded a cargo plane sometime after midnight, but didn’t take off until 5 am. They said they had heard that the CDC was fighting with U.S. government about whether infected individuals should be transported along with uninfected. They ultimately decided to transport them all together.
The plane had no windows, but was outfitted with porta-potties, exposed sewage lines and makeshift seats strapped down with cargo straps or bolted randomly to the floor. CDC workers aboard the plane wore high-tech suits fitted with their own individual air supplies, but healthy patients were separated from unhealthy ones by just a plastic sheet. Thank goodness for the masks they all still wore.
“And they couldn’t tell us if we were going to California or Texas, because they didn’t know,” Steve said. He added that he took sleep meds to knock himself out in order to make it through the long night. After more than 15 hours in flight, they landed in San Antonio, Texas.
It was a drizzly foggy day, but Steve said tears sprung to his eyes and Sommer said she wanted to kiss the ground when they finally stepped down onto American soil and heard applause and fanfare from those waiting to greet them.
They passed quickly through customs in the hangar. Their bags were sprayed down with disinfectant, then they were transported to their new lodgings, former officers’ quarters at Lackland Airforce Base. Though there were written instructions in their rooms, it was unclear at first whether they were even allowed to go outside, and soldiers on the base were told not to fraternize with the passengers.
Eventually they were allowed out for walks each day, and food was brought to them in wagons by soldiers in masks, gowns, gloves and face shields, the same uniform worn now by “soldiers” on the frontlines in our hospitals.
Each morning at dawn, bugles blared the familiar military wake-up call, Reveille. And in the afternoon they heard the solemn Taps cry carried throughout the base.
But other than the comforting patriotic melodies projecting over loudspeakers, the passengers received no formal communication about the plan or timing of their quarantine. Sommer said that by Day 3, she had just had it. She wanted answers. She went down to the gate and demanded answers.
“Do you realize that we are people in here? We are not just Diamond cruise ship passengers. We have families, pets! Do you have a daughter? How would you feel if she was being treated like this? You guys need to give us some information,” she screamed.
Steve said he watched his wife’s rant and felt powerless to do anything to comfort her. He and everyone else felt exactly the same. She was giving voice to the frustration they all felt. He didn’t have the heart to do anything, but went and got her parents and they were able to coax her away from the fence.
“Look at what you’ve done to my daughter,” her mom cried. “She’s a surgeon!”
Sommer’s powerful display of emotion produced results, and the next day there was a town hall meeting by telephone, and another one each day after that.
“Why did it take three days to get any information,” Sommer asked. She said that not knowing what was happening was the scariest part. The passengers had just come out of 12 days quarantined on a cruise ship and now they were somewhere new, with an entirely new routine and no idea of when it would end. They were ready to start planning their lives. They were also frustrated to learn that other ships weren’t quarantining their passengers. And by the time they returned to the U.S., Covid-19 had started to spread despite the ship’s passengers being kept away.
“We went through all that quarantine and now it’s still here anyway,” Sommer said. “It’s like they they put us through that for nothing.”
I couldn’t help but correlate their experience and their emotions to that of a cancer patient, or any patient, facing a scary diagnosis or being stuck in the hospital, waiting for communication from doctors, eagerly anticipating their discharge.
I believe that once Steve and Sommer recover from the trauma and disruption this experienced caused, they will find it has given them new reserves of empathy and understanding of their patients, and has made them even better medical professionals than they were before.
In any case, it’s good to be home, even if life looks a little different back home these days.
by Danielle Tantone | 7:58 am | People Stories
This article was originally published a few years ago in Las Sendas Life Magazine, a local magazine for our neighborhood in Northeast Mesa, AZ. At the time, I knew it deserved a much larger audience, but life flies by and my blog was nothing more than a half-baked idea at the time.
I will probably post an update on this amazing family sometime soon, but in the meantime, I wanted to at least get this story up on my blog. Better late than never!
It’s a story about love, triumph over the hard things, and silver linings…my favorite kind of story!
Walking into The Grove Church in Chandler on a hot Sunday in June 2015, 15-year-old Jadyn Ferguson wasn’t exactly looking to chat with God.
Hardened and bruised by a real-life story that reads like the plot of a popular TV drama, her life experiences so far had included a drug-addicted mother who died of cervical cancer when Jadyn was just 11 years old; emotional, physical and sexual abuse; years of being shuttled from one dysfunctional home to another; living in foster homes, group homes and on the streets; and narrowly escaping the throes of a human trafficking ring.
Although she had spent much of her life in Arizona, her world was pretty far-removed from the luxury Las Sendas Lifestyle we are so blessed to enjoy.
Jadyn’s invitation to church that day by a group-home mentor who had become a friend was not just an act of evangelism, but a blind date of sorts, with a family who would soon pluck Jadyn right out of her nightmare and into a new life that could only be described as a fairy tale in comparison.
Jadyn’s mentor was also good friends with Las Sendas residents Bill and Jeanne Honsaker, empty nesters with three grown children of their own. Both Bill and Jeanne had successful careers in the commercial real estate industry.
In their free time, they enjoyed relaxing with family – in their backyard or on their boat at nearby Saguaro and Canyon Lakes; working out together; or grabbing a bite at D’Vine Bistro.
They also were passionate about making a difference in the world.
They had served on several short-term mission trips with The Grove – to far-off places including Malawi, Liberia and Thailand.
And they had become involved in an organization called The Exodus Road, which seeks to end human trafficking worldwide.
They had even been talking and praying about adopting a teenager from overseas, knowing they could change the trajectory of a child’s life and make a difference on a more personal level.
But due to various world events, including the spread of the Ebola virus, adoption from Africa had become very difficult.
And that’s when they heard Jadyn’s story:
After her mom passed away in 2011, Jadyn was abused by a family member, so CPS removed Jadyn from her home at the age 11.
She was in and out of foster care and group homes for four years, including several months with a family in California that turned out to be a very bad situation. As a result, Jadyn found herself out on the streets.
When a friend from her school introduced Jadyn to her “boyfriend,” assuring her that he would take her in until she could get on her feet, Jadyn took her up on it. Little did she know that she was moving in with a sex trafficker. Although Jadyn was not personally trafficked, she was being groomed for that life and saw other girls in the home being sold for sex. She took her life into her own hands and ran away from
the pimp, coming back to Arizona, only to be placed back into another group home.
After hearing her story and getting to know her, the Honsakers began to consider adopting her into their family. And once the wheels were in motion, things happened very quickly.
“I didn’t really know these crazy white people, but they were being really nice to me,” Jadyn said.
She admits she was impressed by the Honsakers’ gorgeous home the first time she saw it.
“Who lives like this?” she wondered.
But she says she was even more affected by their love.
“They loved unconditionally and that didn’t make sense to me. It just wasn’t something I was raised
with,” she said. “This family is like in your face with love!”
Just weeks after their first meeting, as things continued to unravel in Jadyn’s life, Bill and Jeanne – with unanimous approval from their three children – asked Jadyn to become part of their family – permanently.
“I want Bill to walk you down the aisle and I want to hold your babies,” Jeanne said to Jadyn.
“I had never heard anything like that. I didn’t know what family looked like,” said Jadyn.
The Honsakers were assigned permanent guardianship of Jadyn in July 2015 as an emergency measure to remove her from a dangerous living situation.
The incongruity of the situation was not lost on Bill that day as he heaved five hastily-packed garbage bags – that represented everything she owned – into his truck, pulled away from where she had been living, and headed straight to the Westin Kierland resort in Scottsdale for a staycation.
Jadyn’s adoption was finalized less than a year later, on April 15, 2016. If she had been a younger child, the process would have taken much longer, but there aren’t many families lining up to adopt teenagers just before they “age out of the system,” Bill explained. Instead those kids set off on their own with no support system and very few tools for success.
Bill and Jeanne agree that Jadyn’s path dissecting their own was no coincidence.
Although they did receive some criticism from people who thought they were moving too fast, and life in the last few years has hardly been perfect, adopting Jadyn not only changed her life, but the entire family’s.
“Life is better. It’s truly better. It’s more colorful, no pun intended, but it’s better,” said Jeanne with a
warm smile.
Jadyn, now 19, works part-time at Massage Envy and sings with the worship band at The Grove. She aspires to be a Christian music artist.
She has taken brave and active measures to share her story so that others who are caught up in the snare and deception of human trafficking will know they are not alone. There is hope and a way out.
Human trafficking isn’t just “out there,” but happens right here in the US, even in Mesa, AZ. Commercial sexual exploitation generates $99 billion in illegal profits every year, according to a 2014 report by The International Labor Organization, and the Global slavery index for 2018 showed approximately 57,700 people trapped in slavery in the US.
Jeanne, who left her 32-year commercial real estate career to become VP of Advancement for The Exodus Road, is now responsible for building a multifaceted revenue stream for the organization and speaking on its behalf domestically and abroad to raise awareness and resources for counter human trafficking efforts worldwide.
Bill is Managing Director of the Industrial & Supply Chain Logistics practice group and Designated Broker for the Phoenix office of Jones Lang LaSalle Americas, Inc., a full-service commercial real estate firm. He provides consulting and strategy implementation, market research, site selection, negotiation, financial analysis, and lease or purchase contract review on behalf of his clients.
Bill is a Certified Ambassador as well as Steering Committee member, within the Greater Phoenix Economic Council, and was voted Ambassador of the Year in 2016. He is also a past Chairman of the Community Building Consortium committee and served a one-year term on the GPEC Board of Directors.
When they aren’t working or saving the world, the Honsakers visit their older children and grandchildren whenever possible.
Son Brandon and his fiancé Maria (who comes along with five children the Honsakers already consider their grandchildren) live in Seattle, WA. Daughter Alli and her husband, Byron, live in Eugene, OR with their two sons. And daughter Lauren and her boyfriend, Corey, are close by in Apache Junction.
Lauren also has been on multiple mission trips to Haiti through the Grove as well, and is particularly passionate
about the kids at an orphanage that the Grove helps support.
The family is rounded out by their English Mastiff, Mollie and English Bulldog, Dozer.
Jeanne is an avid CrossFit masters athlete as well as a 25-year veteran Jazzercise instructor. Bill and Jeanne try to work out together at least twice a week at their favorite gym, The Brute Lab in Mesa.
Bill is a USC alumni, so they cheer on the Trojans whenever possible. They are also hometown fans of the
Cardinals, Diamondbacks and Coyotes.
They considered moving to Gilbert or Chandler to be closer to church and work, but they enjoy the desert beauty of Las Sendas, the hills, and being just far enough from the city to feel like home is their own special getaway.
They have learned that stepping outside the status quo is well worth it. Their faith in God is their compass. Though their journey has included bumps and bruises, they wouldn’t have it any other way.
by Danielle Tantone | 9:08 am | Breast Cancer, Faith, Family & Relationships, Health & Wellness, Mindset, Mental Health & Entrepreneurship, Nursing, Night Shifts & School, People Stories
I’ve been relatively quiet on social media the past few months and a few people have reached out to make sure everything is OK.
It wasn’t this big, planned out thing, nor was it a social media fast. I didn’t disconnect entirely, just became a little less vocal about all I’ve been doing and thinking, mostly because I was just so busy doing and thinking it!
Any time I would devote to writing blog posts or even basic social media updates and cute photos of my family, has been eaten up by all the unseen activities in a busy life.
I know it’s no longer cool to say, “I’m so busy.”
So let’s just say my life is jam-packed with all the things: from a full-time job as a Patient Care Technician (nursing assistant) that’s harder and more exhausting than any of the many jobs I’ve done in my life, to dealing with paperwork and applications for nursing school, cancer deferment for my student loans, financial and tax stuff, kids and family stuff…
Oh, and then I’m supposed to be…trying to be…deeply desire to be…a writer. So, I’ve been trying to carve out several hours a week to work on my first book. The one I have been working on – off and on – for close to 15 years.
I’ve also been learning how to turn my blog into an online business of sorts. And meanwhile not publishing a single post on said blog! But I’m not going to beat myself up. And I know no one really cares how many times a week or month I post in my silly blog anyway (0 in all the month of January and only a few in December, but who’s counting!) and no one has missed the welcome email I haven’t gotten around to sending out yet to all my friends, family, former clients and blog subscribers. Especially since I don’t really know who my “audience” should be anyway!
So now it’s the beginning of February and I wake up early on a Sunday morning to take a breath, spend some time thinking and contemplating, and then write a little update about the things I have been thinking and contemplating in my relative silence.
Of course there are those obvious things that lots of people have been thinking about recently, the big current news stories: fires in Australia and all those poor animals dying, the Coronavirus, the impeachment trials and election, Kobe Bryant and what to make for the Super Bowl party.
But the things that have really taken up space in my brain are both smaller and bigger, more personal and more universal, more general and more specific.
Maybe a few of these will become blog posts or articles soon, but for now, here’s a list of a few of the things that have been on my mind the past few months – a brain dump, if you will:
- Whether getting breast implants following my bilateral mastectomy is really the best choice for me…
- The amazing audiobook I just finished listening to, A Second Chance by Catherine Hoke…
- 5 Top reasons this middle-aged mom drives for Uber and Lyft…
- Why I ever thought I should and could become a nurse at 40+ years old…
- Why I inactivated my Real Estate License after 20 years…
- The fact that the young man who was shot and killed by police after showing up at one of my company’s hospitals brandishing weapons last week was an employee I had met briefly during training last year, a normal looking blonde-headed kid…
- My mixed emotions after receiving a postcard in the mail this weekend announcing a sex offender in our neighborhood…
- Working my last shift at the hospital last week and preparing for a new position as part of the float pool, which will have me working at all five hospitals in our network and all different departments…
- Why I keep showing up for this job, which should have the description: professional butt wiper, waitress, maid and counselor, and is the hardest job I’ve ever done and pays among the least…
- All the crazy things I saw while at this hospital – which serves a very different population from most of the ones I’ve been surrounded by – and where I regularly cared for homeless people, drug addicts, diabetics, amputees, and patients with mental illnesses of all types.
- How every single one of these people were just people, each with their own story and their own struggle, and how just acknowledging our similarities, connecting with them, allowing them some dignity as I cleaned up their messes – and smiling as much as possible, seemed to make a difference…
- The top 5 reasons I’m looking to switch nursing programs following my current leave of absence for breast cancer treatment…
- Paying off debt while in nursing school with an irregular income …
- How blessed I feel by our health insurance coverage in this difficult time…
- How parenting teenagers is sometimes harder than parenting toddlers…
- Contemplating the preciousness and beauty of life after attending a memorial service for a 12-year-old who lived life better than many of us…
- My book – Believe: a Memoir and a Manifesto…
- How I once became a runner and wonder if I’ll ever become one again…
- How I prepare meals for our family which includes both a committed 11-year-old vegetarian and a few hardcore carnivores and how to know what kind of eating is really the best: from Keto to Veganism, I’m surrounded by opposing views…
- Meanwhile, while I’ve been surrounded by healthy eating and an active vibrant community my whole life, I take care of patients who truly don’t know a carbohydrate from a protein and have no idea how each affects their body, blood sugar and overall health…and I feel like I should help people like that somehow…
- The similarities between suicide and drowning (How the moments leading up to each are so much more silent than you’d think)…
- Why I have secretly disliked phrases like “Kick cancer’s butt!” even though I’ve been praised for having a truly inspiring attitude as I faced my own little fleck of cancer, and how a conversation with a cancer patient at work validated my feelings, helped me understand them better, and sparked an idea of how I can truly make a difference in the fight against cancer…
- Why seeing the color pink doesn’t make me feel weak but rather strong…
- Why I make time to get together regularly with new friends and old, even when I feel like I have too many responsibilities, big dreams to chase and no time for me…
- How I can help others see their glass as half full instead of half empty and find the silver linings in their own circumstances…
This is not an exhaustive list. My brain is always gathering data, asking questions, formulating answers, dreaming big dreams and creating plans, even while I clean up sh*t, figuratively – or more often than not – quite literally!
Let me know which of these resonate with you and which ones you’d like to hear more about!
by Danielle Tantone | 4:49 am | Breast Cancer, Health & Wellness, Nursing, Night Shifts & School, People Stories
At work yesterday I walked into the room of one of my patients in response to his call light, asked him how I could help, smiled and looked him in the eye, as usual. Overcome with emotion, tears sprang to his eyes as he explained that he just felt so anxious and overwhelmed at learning a few moments ago that the surgeon would be amputating his big toe today. He had known he was having surgery, but not until today had they mentioned amputation.
“It’s just a toe, but still. It’s part of my body,” he said.
I stopped what I was doing, came around to the bedside and placed a hand gently on his shoulder. I looked into his eyes and told him that I understood and I was sorry. And while I have always been an empathetic person, easily able to put myself in another’s shoes, now I actually do completely understand what it feels like to have a part of your body amputated.
I shared with him that I too had recently had part of my body amputated. Both my breasts, in fact. A bilateral mastectomy.
Breasts are not the same as legs, arms, feet or toes. In some ways they seem less important, and in some ways even more. Breasts are perhaps the most defining characteristic of the female body. And yet seven weeks post op, no one even knows I have “robo-boobs” unless I lift up my shirt (which thankfully my job neither requires nor allows).
I don’t even mention it to most patients. Unless they notice me struggling to reach up above my head. Or unless it seems fitting or important to share. My own pain, my own experience as a patient, will make me a better nurse.
So much more I want to share, but another 12-hour shift beckons, and it’s been so long since I have even posted anything, that I figured something is better than nothing. More to come. I promise.
by Danielle Tantone | 5:03 am | Breast Cancer, Health & Wellness, People Stories
As we followed the medical assistant back to the oncologist’s office, I couldn’t help but notice the curved row of recliners right in the main central corridor of the clinic.
They looked out a huge wall of glass to the gorgeous rain-soaked North Scottsdale desert. Were it not for an IV pole perched next to each lounger, a bag of clear yellowish liquid hung and ready to be infused, this area could have been a nicely-appointed nail salon.
But I knew what it was. My husband, Michael knew what it was. This was where cancer patients received infusions of chemotherapy that would kill their cancer cells, along with many of their healthy cells, causing gastrointestinal distress, hair loss, fatigue, and all the other symptoms synonymous with cancer. We passed wordlessly, and I felt both grateful and guilty that I wouldn’t have to sit in one of these chairs as part of my treatment.
Dr. Brendan Curley entered the room cheerfully, his warm smile reaching right up to his blue eyes.
He shook our hands firmly, introducing himself, then said to my husband, “And you are…?” We laughed as he explained that he didn’t want to assume he was my husband rather than my father, son, boyfriend, or something else. We shared stories of mistaken identity and awkwardness upon assuming the wrong relationship. I once assumed my patient’s girlfriend was his mother and he once assumed a patient’s daughter was his granddaughter. So, we both had learned never to assume.
And then, before getting into any details, as if he wanted to relieve any fears up front and make me feel at ease right away, he said with a smile, “Want to know what my treatment plan is for you? None. There is none. I don’t ever need to see you again.”
Nevertheless, he took a few minutes to get to know me and really listened to my story.
When he heard I was in nursing school, and also working for HonorHealth, he suggested maybe I could come work with him after I graduate. I think I just might do that! He was professional and friendly, warm and personable. Our consult felt like a chat with an old friend. I have met very few doctors who made me feel so valued, important and cared for during a routine consultation.
After he listened, he spoke. And this visit – these 20 minutes with the oncologist who I never have to see again – confirmed and validated my decision to get a bilateral mastectomy for a Stage 0 cancer.
I knew for sure I had made the right decision, even though it was (still is) painful and a lot less fun in reality than I had imagined…
He carefully outlined the options I could have taken and what the treatment protocol would have been with each of those options.
Since the kind of cancer I had, DCIS (Ductal Carcinoma in Situ) is Stage 0 noninvasive cancer, chemotherapy is almost never part of the treatment.
Chemo is only ever given if the cancer becomes invasive or is found in the lymph nodes.
But even though my cancer was non-invasive – contained “in situ” within the milk ducts – if I had elected to have just a lumpectomy, he would have treated me with radiation followed by a hormone blocker pill to eliminate recurrent DCIS or a new breast cancer in the same breast or the contralateral breast.
Had I chosen only a single mastectomy…
I would have eliminated the need for radiation and reduced my risk by 50% since I would have removed 50% of the breast tissue, but I would still have needed to take an estrogen blocking pill, Tamoxifen for at least five years to lower risk in the contralateral breast.
But in choosing the bilateral mastectomy…
which removed all of the breast tissue from both sides, I had essentially eliminated my risk. I now have less than a 1% chance of ever in my life getting breast cancer.
And since all my genetic testing came back negative for cancer markers, I don’t have an increased risk for any other type of cancer either.
That doesn’t mean I have a guarantee to never get cancer. Even healthy people get cancer. There are carcinogens in our environment, in our food, and who knows where else. But I can go back to living as healthy as I can and not have to worry.
The oncologist’s office was a beautiful, peaceful and surprisingly positive place. If I had to go there regularly for treatments, it would be a pleasant environment in which to face the pain of cancer treatment. Still, I am grateful that I don’t have to go there again!
I stumbled upon the video below as I was writing this story
I thought it perfectly captured Dr. Curley’s sweetness and authenticity. Growing up in a small town in Pennsylvania, his mom was “everyone’s doctor” and his dad was a cancer doctor in a larger town a bit further away. Dr. Curley’s oncology practice brings together these two flavors of patient care into a warm and friendly experience, even as he helps patients navigate the scariest illness.
And in his spare time, he volunteers at the hospital with his therapy dog, Princess Danger, an adorable English bulldog. . He doesn’t even mention to the patients he visits with Princess Danger that he’s a cancer doctor. When he visits with them, he’s just a sweet, smiley guy who cares.
“Life is about finding people who care. It’s about finding people who are going to take the time, finding people who essentially are going to treat you like family,” he says.
“Life is not about extending days. Life is about adding moments.”
And I won’t soon forget the few moments I spent with Dr. Brendan Curley. If you have to have a cancer doctor, Dr. Brendan Curley is a great one.